Things are different
by XxtsunamidevilxX
Summary: "I'm Tom Tanaka, and I lost my friend Shizuo Heiwajima yesterday" Tom shares his fond memories with the man that was fueled by anger, but filled with peace right up until his untimely death and how the world around him has changed.
1. Prologue

this is going to seem cruel, but I never see any fanfics of Shizuo experiencing death or dying, so I'm going to make my own. Obvious trigger warnings; suicide, mental issues and death of characters, if that's not your thing then bye bye, don't say nobody warned you and complain in my comments section :/

* * *

Things are different without him here.

The city was calmer, the people were happier, the gangs were quieter and the world around them was warmer. People could enjoy their day in school or work or wherever and not have to worry about a thing, crime was cutting down and the evil doers with it, police and citizens had less to worry about. All because of a certain announcement of a certain man's death.

It was rude; the amount of people scared of an innocent person that was pushed to his limits, the amount of people who had disrespected his name and talked about him like he was trash, the amount of people that would try to use him for safety or to get their ego buffed up, it was rude and I witnessed it all. Maybe I had even done it myself a little, but not as much as those fools.

It felt like not even a year ago we had met and had a meal, discussing how he could make himself known to people but also keep those same people away from him. It felt like not even a month ago we were dishing out jobs and getting stacked. It felt like not even a week ago that he had gone off the radar and went berserk, paranoia and depression suddenly overcoming his somewhat peaceful mind. And I know it was not only a day ago that I, one of his closest friends and work partner, had to watch him be lowered down into six feet of rubble that would soon eat away at his young body.

Yeah, things are different without him here.

And though it may seem things have gotten better, they've just gotten worse for those of us that cared about him.

I'm Tom Tanaka, and I lost my friend Shizuo Heiwajima yesterday.


	2. 1 - The Reminiscing of Shizuo Heiwajima

"Well, what a coincidence!" Shinra's cheery voice rocketed through the serenity of the restaurant, his big toothy grin shocking both me and Vorona; I could tell it was forced, and that behind it lay a wilting flower of lost hope "Come to join the Shizuo remembrance circle?"

Tom reunites with some of Shizuo's friends to remember the late bartender's funny and saddening memories upon Vorona's odd request.

* * *

It's weird returning to work without him by my side, I caught it that I wasn't the only one feeling the atmosphere's sudden change within the offices either; many a glum face as they typed furiously to try and cleanse their minds of a fact that they hadn't even thought was possible to happen to a person such as him. They may have felt the pain, but not as much as me; I was his rock in whatever situation he felt to fling a stray fist at someone's face. I was the man that actually helped him become calm and learn about himself better.

I got my assignment and Vorona slowly trudged along with me down to our location; a shabby holdout in a block of unclean flats, the door was as tattered as the floor and so on so forth, the place was a shit hole basically. Even her sadness radiated off of her as much as mine from the sound of two pairs of shoes and not the familiar clicking of his, she threw me a question now and then about him and what he used to be like when he was younger, I'd try to answer them as best as I could without shedding a tear.

"question," she began "I recall Shizuo mentioning that you two had met when you were youths, what can you remember of the encounter that you will share with me?" her words were more a demand that a simple 'question' "why are you so eager to know, and by the way I'd rather not share _anything_ " She suddenly appeared in front of me, halting my walking with a vicious glare that was only filled with worry "trust me when I say it is a good thing to tell me" "when you're as much of an emotional wreck as me over not getting to kill your 'prey' no way in hell is it a good thing" I sighed, looking anywhere but her face as I let the words slip out of my mouth "He's dead, Vorona"

I could only catch her shoulders drop before she slapped my face hard, sending my glasses to a concrete wall (I could have sworn she made a dent in the wall with them) "then stop acting like man baby and forget him, or perhaps this is what you want?"

She has a point; I can't keep thinking about him and not want to embrace his memories, he was my friend, I shouldn't feel ashamed to speak about him anymore than I would have spoken about him to someone like Shinra, or Kadota. The only way to keep his spirit alive is by reliving its memories, right?

"Ok, you're right, but before I start" I found a smile building up on my face as I pointed to my glasses, which lay mangled on the floor "you're gonna have to find a way to fix those by the time we get to Russia Sushi"

"Understood" she nodded, her expression cooling down, which in return made mine do the same. Periodically, at least.

* * *

Well, I wish I could say walking down the centre of the city with tape stuck on my glasses has been the most embarrassing thing I have done, but it definitely made the walk a little more thrilling as people laughed at me. I didn't care much, only for their smiles and that they were happy.

Would he have smiled and laughed too? God knows.

Simon greeted us happily as always and checked on us, he's been a lot more caring since Shizuo died and I've got to respect him for that; big guy is always about making sure people feel safe and happy and he seems to see Shizuo's ascending as an even bigger reason to keep the peace alive. Me and Vorona were just about to hop into an empty booth before "oh, Vorona, Mr Tom!" he calls out with his big grin "yes?" "I forget to mention, Kadota and Mr Shinra are here, perhaps you sit with them" I saw Vorona perk up a little at hearing their names, she knew they were as close to him as I and that she could scoop up even more information on him.

I sighed, another smile welcoming itself to my lips, we walked over and there the two men were; With Celty and … funnily enough, Yuuhei. Well, I mean Kasuka.

"Well, what a coincidence!" Shinra's cheery voice rocketed through the serenity of the restaurant, his big toothy grin shocking both me and Vorona; I could tell it was forced, and that behind it lay a wilting flower of lost hope "Come to join the Shizuo remembrance circle?" I laughed, something I haven't done for a while "sure have, Little Miss kick box here wants to know more about him and what he was like" Vorona gave a quick nod and sat down next to Celty, odd enough I expected her interests to diverge but she kept focused, even with the fumes of a nervous Celty swarming around the booth.

"So, what'd I miss?" Kasuka sipped his tea silently before drawing back with a loud relaxed breath "Not much, I just finished telling them about his life as a kid, we're moving onto him in middle school" his voice nothing above a whisper, you could tell he had been crying a lot from how raspy it sounded and how pale yet wet the bags under his eyes looked, poor boy, lost his only brother yet he is holding his ground so much stronger than me.

"Guess I came just in time?" I gave them all a mischievous yet playful look; I knew a lot of embarrassing stories bound to bring him from his grave…

"Did Shizuo ever tell you about this one time…?"

* * *

The school cafeteria was empty as far as we knew, Shizuo had gone to get a drink from one of the vending machines near the hallway and I whipped open my laptop and checked the news. Everything was fine before SMACK.

Someone had run into him, not just anyone; it was a girl.

Now I know Shizuo, he has never been a ladies' man, he would never try to mushily smooth his way out of a situation no matter gender. But this girl was crying bucket loads because of her embarrassment and Shizuo's: I mean would you stand in awe if someone spilt milk all over your clothing.

He didn't know what to do, poor man. He was so confused and in shock about what had happened that he just looked at her sobbing on the floor so I went over to check on her and help her up. "Hey" I said in a warm voice "You alright? Had a bit of a bump in there?" she was fine for the most part, but oh boy; Shizuo knows how to make an entrance.

I can understand wanting to personally apologise for being in her way, but damn the man needs to watch where he is going! He slipped in the spilt milk and plummeted right into her-

I think you get what I mean.

And this concludes why Shizuo has never talked to women a romantically.#

* * *

So that was chapter 1, if you like where this is going please leave a comment or kudos and chapter 2 will be up in no time.


	3. 2 - My Last Reoccurring Memory of You

"maybe if I was a bird I wouldn't have to deal with that flea, maybe he would just leave me alone and I could be happy and live life" his rocking slowed down as the birds flew away, off he went to the window, opening it wide as a gust of wind blew his messy hair astray from his pupils "No, come back, take me with you to whatever world you live in"

Tom personally remembers the last moments in which he held Shizuo in his arms when they were both on the edge of life and the formidable words that the younger man had left with him.

* * *

The next thing I knew we were all in fits of giggles and laughter and nearly had the whole shop attracted; Anri and Mikado had dropped in for their afternoon snack and were drawn to us whilst hearing of our reminiscing session over that chat thing (creepy, nobody had whipped out their phones and they said that a user called 'Batenda' had sent them here) but the more the merrier, right? Masaomi was back in town for a while and headed on in to check on Simon when he spotted us being obnoxiously loud in the booth, he decided to join in with the banter as well.

Simon took a break and sat down with us too, next thing you know it's stuffy, crowded, messy but comfortably ecstatic; this is it, this is how we remember you Shizuo, I'm using our peace and our friendship to keep you alive. Our happiness is what keeps your spirit within our presence. I did it, for one day in Ikebukuro, I made the world forget what bad you had done, and remember you for the 'angel' of peace that you were.

Heh…you always told me that I should have written novels for a living.

* * *

He was so slim, just sitting there happily rocking back and forth with these big bright eyes, they were colourless and bloodshot. His hair was a mess and coated his shaking eyes as he focused on some birds flying about the tree outside of his window. He had this dork smile on his face and hummed an unknown tune out loud, often stopping to gasp for breath as his oxygen tank wasn't lasting him long. The wheelchair threatened to roll off the more violent his rocking got but my hand was there on his, resting on the armrest for the whole song, all the day long we sat there and he would hum, moan, scream or talk and I would be there to endure all of it.

I asked him a question when he had finished "Do you want to do some talking now?" He-no, they had messed him up so bad that he didn't think like an adult anymore, it was like he was a shriveled up raisin; a complete child that didn't want to believe anything they were told. "Not just yet, I don't know what to talk about" He sounded just like his brother, monotone and nothing above a whisper. It took all of my damn willpower to not break down in front of him, it would only scare him.

"Why don't we talk about what's on your mind right now" my grip tightened as a struggled a smile in his direction, those eyes and that grin just ripping my mind to shreds "you seemed pretty interested in those birds out there, what were you thinking?" he looked down, and just like that, again, his expression dropped. It would do that often, he would just stop rocking and look very _very_ angry, but he would never direct the look at me, it was always the mirror he head went to.

"I was thinking about flying, it'd be cool to just fly the fuck away from all of this" and back to the rocking and cheery face "maybe if I was a bird I wouldn't have to deal with that flea, maybe he would just leave me alone and I could be happy and live life" his rocking slowed down as the birds flew away, off he went to the window, opening it wide as a gust of wind blew his messy hair astray from his pupils "No, come back, take me with you to whatever world you live in"

"Fucking come back!" Now I had to restrain him, the best thing I can do is either pinch the tubes running through his nose or inject him with a relaxer –one that Shinra made- both options made him angry but they calmed him down. I hated the feeling of his bone and muscle resisting my efforts to pull him back and inject him; I hated how he felt taunted by everything free that he saw, I hated it so much that I would have banished it from him to make him feel better.

But I had to let him live, I couldn't let him be closed off from reality. The last thing I ever swore to do was _lie_ to one of my best friends, and the actual last thing I ever swore to do was lie to him when he was in a _damned state of paranoia and depression_.

I cried when he cried. I was angry when he was angry. I was happy when he was happy. That's how we worked, that's how we lived. That's how our bond grew so strong.

So when he called out my name every night, I was there to tell him I was never going to leave him. I was there to hush him back to sleep by reading him a story, or entertaining him with my cell phone, or even picking him up and fucking rocking him back to sleep, he needed all the support he could get and I swore I would be there to give it to him; I'm his 'Senpai' I'm his damn role model, I need to show him that he's not alone.

Then he hit me with a statement that I should have put more thought into…

Fuck me…

He was wailing for me, I heard his crackled voice waking me up at 3 in the morning saying that he saw a shadow and wanted me to get it to go away. He said it had a scythe and no face and that it told him he was going somewhere better soon. I thought that maybe Celty had dropped by and tried to calm him down, but this damn amnesia he was going through, I'll never know and she would have come to the door.

He kept crying and crying, and I kept telling him 'I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you'

And then, he stopped crying, and looked at me with this hurt face.

"You won't leave me, but I might leave you"

I couldn't move, I was paralysed; my mind was a block of bricks just constantly getting hammered in buy his words, again…and again…and again, again, again, it gets quicker, my breathing gets erratic, his voice gets louder and I just scream. We scream together, holding on tight to our bodies.

We scream until the cops come, until they settle our minds, until our throats can only run fucking dust down them.


End file.
